Monday, December 29, 2008

Weathering the Storm

Well, sometimes life is really hard. Right now...things are very, very hard at our house. When it comes to blogging, I have two options: Disappear, and don't write, and you'll all (mistakenly) think that I am doing great and handling two babies so well, I have perfect children, and a perfect life.

OR

I can tell it like it is, knowing that many of you will have helpful ideas and suggestions. And I will have all this important information stored away for the future, when I forget everything (which is bound to happen, due to the ever-increasing fatigue I'm feeling.)

So, first of all, poor Annaliese is a sensitive little thing. Light, sound, touch, it's all bigger, brighter, and louder to her. The last three weeks have been...well, pretty much just hellish. She has CRIED and CRIED and CRIED. It was at it's worst last week, Christmastime, and the only good thing about that is that we were at Samuel's parent's house in Phoenix and they BOTH bent over backwards trying to help- they would take her and hold her and bounce and rock her for HOURS (even if it was the middle of the night.) That was a huge, much-needed blessing.

I am starting to lose my sanity. And have some post-partum depression. The crying...it just wears me down. I have moments when I feel great, but they are random and not very often.

I dyed my hair...and it turned out black. I think I have it lightened to dark brown now, and I like it, but I'll tell you that story later. I'm just not thinking very clearly. I'm so tired.

So, everyone I've talked to asks me about her symptoms: Here they are: She only poops once every three days (which may be considered normal.) She starts crying, hard, about 10 minutes after she eats, and I can tell she is really in pain. She's pretty gassy. She has been congested since she was born, and sometimes has a hard time breathing. We are constantly suctioning out her nose. She gets rashes (that look like baby acne) on her face, but they disappear a day later and show up on another part of her face. She is always spitting up, sometimes it's a large quantity, and often it is clear. Her poops (when they come) have a slightly green tint to them, are runny, and sometimes have a bit of mucous in them. She is in the most pain and fussiest from about 4 p.m on. She used to sleep really well at night, and only wake up to eat, but this last week she started crying in the middle of the night too.

I have prayed so hard...it just doesn't seem fair that a baby should suffer like this. I just don't feel like I'm getting answers as quickly as I'd like, and I'm trying not to be frustrated, but...I am very frustrated. Annaliese has had two priesthood blessings and so far it's hard for me to see any improvement. Maybe very TINY improvements, but that's it.

So, after researching like crazy, I have decided it must be allergies (to what I'm eating) and/or reflux. The symptoms are really similar. So I cut out dairy and eggs as of two days ago to see if there's a difference. I'm trying herbal remedies for her tummy, but they only seem to help a little as well. I may have to give in and go get her a prescription for something, but as of right now we don't have health insurance for me or her, and so it will be expensive.

She is almost two months old. I really believe this is more than colic. She really is in a lot of pain. Regardless, for anyone who's had a colicky baby, I now have a whole new sympathy. This has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. Probably in my life. Please, please, please let me know if you have any ideas of what I can do. Thanks everybody. I look forward to the day that this has passed, but I seriously don't know how I can make it one or two more months, when they supposedly "outgrow" this.

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